Stuck

I am sort of in a strange static place. I went to a memorial service for a friend. I sat outside on the porch during the rain and watched the mist, feeling oddly out of time and space. It was very peaceful and balanced, but for a second. Came back in, sneezed a few times, then felt a little sad.

Now I am thinking about the fact that I very far behind in my Ascension class. I have skipped the main meditation for the second time, and sometimes I fall asleep instead of studying. I am judging myself harshly, and when not focused on myself and my shortcomings, I feel bored. Not at all excited as I do when I am doing research that takes me forward into my life, as when I can see and feel the magick as I create it.

My friend Robert created a meditation ritual that seems to be working well for me. Only I don't feel like doing the hard part of the spiritual work. I am like a lazy student, the kind that I complained about all semester. How ironic that is!

On the home front, I am very happy that my oldest child is home from college, but I am still lonely for adult conversation about this Life I am in. I keep looking for someone to talk to about everything that is happening to me, to the world, the Shift.

My guides have made it very clear that this kind of relationship is not to be right now.

Feels sucky to be in my Self, and I think I am going to do the manifestation mantra before retiring. Not as an emotional crutch; but I would like to do some fourth dimensional work in the dream state. We will see, and I will report on this unique way of doing my homework, what some might call avoidance.