Feeling the Higher Self

I have felt the shift of my own consciousness into another kind of consciousness on a few occasions. There is, of course, the spirit possession experience in Haitian Vodou, in which as a hunsi, I offer my body to the lwa in order for that being to come into this place and bless the community. There are different ways to understand this. It is easiest to see this as a kind of energy or force that enters my self, moves it to the side, and operates, with me seeing its actions through my eyes or from the back of the bus, as it were. The point is that I am not the sole driver, and I am not dominant in the physical, mental, and emotional bodies. This is where I am most aware of myself as a Spirit.

It is something that I have gotten used to.

The other experience is the one that I am apparently moving toward with the manifestation meditation. The emptiness of self I felt when I first emerged from the chamber as an initiate. The pristine and clear-eyed embodiment, that there was something new about my experience, that every single moment was observed and chosen as an experience. This faded, in time.

I felt this way again around Yule at the magical bath. I was clear eyed and unemotional. I was serene within. I was choosing and observing my thoughts. Most of all, there was no fear whatsoever.

This happened once more to me since, but I could not recall when or for how long.

I do not feel that I have to "make" these experiences happen to me but they are natural progressions that occur in the physical and mental bodies as the soul descends and the self rises to meet it. A hybrid state of being, I guess.

Hawkins speaks of living in this state and finally rising so high as to reach enlightenment, in which pure Presence takes its place within one's being, so that there is no Higher Self to speak of anymore. He speaks of those brief moments of illumination that glow and then fade but are never forgotten. That this "unforgettable event tends to set up a yearning to return to that state, which may result in the willingness to give up everything in the world to do so." (Eye of the I, p. 30) He details the feeling of agony that accompanies death of the ego, the last step, which we know is not accomplished by one's own will but by divine grace.

I have only peeked at the edge of this precipice. It is terrifying and I can't see the bottom.

Sometimes I wonder if I can take a running leap into that place.