Dense Things

This has been a particularly difficult stage in the Mastering Alchemy class. The emotional and mental bodies are confounding me, the ego is going berserk. There are wildly incoherent energies that I have not been able to clear, and the feeling weaves back and forth, close to despair, then to my Higher Self, who whispers for me to wait. Hold fast. Slow down. Breathe.

I start veering toward despair, then I catch myself.

There is no one but me, and the Soul is waiting.

I want the pain to stop. I want the energies to clear. Above all I no longer choose to stop and argue about these things: "why are you here?"

It is hard to believe that only a few hours ago I was serene, in the present moment, and speaking to one of the Masters in a very casual way. I was appreciative, and now the bottom has dropped out. I was in control, and now I feel that I have lost it.

My Teacher says it is all leaving. Last thing to do is to observe it as it goes, let it pass, and then walk away. I will not remember it, he says. 

I don't recall if this was a promise that he made but I surely hope so.